Do you really know them?

Author

Christine Okello
June 19, 2024

Choose your friends wisely

I remember when Facebook first came out, which feels like forever ago, everyone was racing to have the highest friends' count.

I was in my early 20s and I wanted everyone to be 'my friend'. 20 years later, the word friend, carries a lot more weight. It's a title I don't dish out easily anymore.

I’ve come to realise not everyone you call a friend is a friend. 

Nowadays I crave friends who are die-hard, willing to fight, on speed dial kinda of friends.

You may have heard of the very sad death of Shanquella Robinson back in October 2022. This beautiful queen was murdered by people she considered friends... including her 'best friend'.

After her horrible murder, it came to light that this so-called ‘best friend’ had been jealous of her and her life all along. You’ll find the whole story, just search Google.

Shanquella's story made me rethink what being a friend and having friends truly means to me.

You might have people you might are your ride or dies, but they secretly despise you and wish you evil. They are your frenemies! Sis, be careful of them people!

Not every one is for you

With age comes wisdom, with wisdom comes reason.

The same people you’re talking to about your struggles, family issues, relationship issues, are consoling you then turning and laughing at you.

The same people you are confiding in or seeking advise from, are the same ones going to put your business in the yard for all to read.

Sis, you need to pick your friends wisely.

I’ve come to a place of peace having 1 or 2 genuine friends... than having 20 friends but none I can trust.

It's time to do a proper audit of your relationships.

Ask yourself question like;

  • Does 'friendship' look the same to the both of you?

  • Do you both share the same values?

  • Do you both feel supported in the friendship?

  • Do you both truly enjoy being around each other?

If you're in a situation where you feel like you give more than you received. You feel like you're never heard… it's time to rethink that friendship.

Stop oversharing

We’ve all been through seasons where we just need a shoulder to cry on. A shoulder that comes with no advise or judgement… just ‘let me cry in front of you’ kinda shoulder.

But sometimes we talk to a ‘friend’ and end up feeling worse than before approaching them. Listen, this is not friendship! A true friend will make you feel seem, heard and cared for in your vulnerability. They should never make you feel judged or minimise your feelings. If they do, sis, you need to close that chapter!

That’s why I repeat we have to be careful who we call a friend.

When you find yourself needing counsel... make sure the advise is coming from someone who has your best interest at heart.

The Healing

Friendships, especially strong female friendships, are a basic need for us woman and mothers. But I call caution, because not everyone who looks and behaves like a friend is your friend.

Be careful and choose your circle of friends mindfully.

When seeking advise from a trusted friend, be sure to know where their heart is rooted... do they wish you well? Are the reacting or projecting their own issues to you through the advise they give.

At some point we must come to realise that we need to stop inviting people into situations where the answer is found in prayer.

Vet your friends and trust your instincts when you feel something off with someone. And most importantly, pray and ask God to bless you with genuine friendships, people that encourage you to grow in your relationship with Him.

Love & light,
Christine

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