Udada Healing
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You deserve forgiveness too

You deserve forgiveness too

Christine Okello
May 01, 2024

"Am so stupid, why did I not see it coming?"

"This always happens to me... why can't I stand up for myself and respect my boundaries? Why do I always let others dictate what I do?"

Be honest, how many times have you beat yourself up with such statements?

You let them take over your thoughts and you end up in a depressive phase. You can't seem to get over them.

Travel with me back to the summer of 2020...

COVID has paralysed the whole world and it’s lockdown after lockdown.

I've been home for a month from work due to burnout, I feel like I am drowning. I've just tested positive for this mysterious virus... and my mind makes me believe it is the end!

Homeschooling is the new norm.

Being overwhelmed doesn't even begin to express how I feel.

I’m sitting here thinking this is the worst it will ever be!

Life laughs back with an ‘LOL!' In Your face!!!’

Because I come to uncover the most painful betrayal. Lies that feel like a knife has been plunged right through my heart!

With it comes depression, a PTSD diagnosis and severe anxiety attacks.

The darkness that covered me at that period is one I never thought would ever lift.

But God!

See, my siblings and I have a very active WhatsApp group. It’s how we keep in contact daily. I’m so blessed to have a tight relationship with them. No 2 hours can go by without someone posting something on the group.

Without fail, my brother shares daily devotions. They’ll include a prayer and a verse from the You Bible App.

Normally, I’d read them just because they were there, reply with an 'Amen' and move on with my day.

But during this dark season, I felt thirsty for more. This led me to download the Bible App and do their 'Devotion Plans'.

I did so many plans on forgiveness, letting go of pain, emotional awareness etc.

Bit by bit, I started craving a relationship with God... which I never used to before. The most I would do was a quick prayer before bed and that was it.

Things change though.

As I write this, I can honestly say I’ve never felt God's presence and guidance like I feel nowadays.

God has shown me and continues to show me that healing is possible.

And through my healing journey, I’m discovering His truth about me.

Let Go To Forgive

The biggest thing I've learnt on this journey so far is that it all starts with forgiveness.

Forgiveness of self and of those who have wronged and hurt you.

Those who’ve left you with scars and wounds.
Those who didn't see your value.

I know, it's easier said than done... trust me, I know!

However, when you reflect on God's nature and truth... remembering that He has already forgiven you... and them (those we struggle to forgive)… it helps put things into a new perspective.

Forgiveness doesn't mean it’s forgotten, it means;

we accept it
we let it go
then we start to heal!

Whatever caused you so much pain, as hard and unfair as it is, you have to accept that it happened. You don't have the power to go back in time and change it. So please release it from your heart for you to start healing.

This healing is about you!

Start by looking within and see how much blame, regret and shame you’ve put on yourself. You’ve put so much of these for things that happened to you. You’ve imprisoned yourself in self-loath.

And you are the only one with the keys to unlock the door.

And that key is self-forgiveness.

Everyday I Forgive Myself (doing the work)

Self- compassion and acceptance is key

We all make mistakes and will continue making mistakes. Imperfection is part of being human.

Acknowledge your mistakes and those of others without judgment. This will help you start to forgive.

Be kind to yourself, the same way you would a stranger or a friend in the same situation.

Practice positive self-talk and affirm yourself... especially around the kind soul you are.

Say goodbye to guilt and shame

Release the thoughts and beliefs that make you feel you are to blame. Again, it is in the past and we don't have the power to change what happened.

Start challenging those thoughts by considering a more positive perspective...

Was it my fault? Was I wrong to stand up for myself?

Question every thought with honesty.

Honour your feelings

Learn to be emotionally aware. Feeling the regret, the pain, the hurts, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness...

Whatever emotions come up… sit with them in silence and truly feel them.

For me, this comes up in my meditation sessions.

Tears flow, my throat tightens and my chest wants to explode from the pain, hurt and anger.

But the more I sit with these feelings and sensations and allow them to be, the less intense they’ve become over time.

You have to sit and feel with them however uncomfortable it might be.

These emotions come to us for a reason.

Their mission is to let us know that some part of our soul needs healing.

Do you have a forgiveness ritual? Find one

Mine are journaling, meditation, water painting or baking.

Find something that resonates with you. It has to be something you enjoy. Something that brings you a sense of calmness.

Practice being present and in the moment while you do your ritual.

It’s best to make this a regular habit as you learn to be kinder to yourself.

The Healing

Be intentional and set aside time to reflect on your self-forgiveness journey.

Be kind to yourself.

Let go of shame, blame and regret.

Learn to be aware of your emotions by being present with them through journaling, meditation... or whatever allows you to slow down enough to feel what you feel and then let it go.