I’m so sorry

I know you've questioned yourself about so many things.

And I know you've questioned God so many times.

You've been angry, frustrated and wanted to break a few things around you one too many times.

You’ve hated God and promised never to talk to Him again. Only to be on your knees, 2 days later, begging Him to come through for you.

You've thought of ending it, thinking maybe that would stop all the pain.

Trigger after trigger... the pain gets worse no matter what you try.

You've tried forgiving them. But deep down you think it's not fair seeing them smile and live and carry on with life as if they never hurt you.

And you've gone back to God and asked Him why they get to be happy while you suffer in pain.

Then you've gone back to hating God and giving Him an ultimatum... 'Lord, You'd better heal me or I'll never pray ever again'

You wake up and God still hasn't 'parted the Red Sea' for you as He’d done for the Israelites.

Everyone and everything tells you to forgive to start healing.

And you want that so much. You try forcing forgiveness, but it doesn't work. The pain, hurt, and grief still rear their ugly faces.

You want them to suffer and feel pain like you do.

They don't deserve to be carrying on with life being merry while you rot in a bed you have no energy to get up from.

You crave vengeance, sometimes at night you even imagine it!

You imagine how sweet it would feel for you to see them in pain... horrid, painful, unforgiving pain, just as much as they caused you.

How dare they carry on living like nothing ever happened?

How dare they carry on breathing?

How dare they carry on as if they didn't break and leave you in pieces?

How dare they?

The Healing

I’ve been there, and still find myself there sometimes.

Let me give you this for free, Babe, you need to heal!

No one can start the process for you but you.

You can be angry, scream, hate, yell... but no one can heal for you but you.

Yes, it was not fair, but it happened and that’s the reality. Accept it, let go of it and start healing.

Forgive... you have no choice but to forgive. Forgive for your own sake.

Forgive so you don't have to carry this heavy load of bitterness, resentment and pain to carry around with you.

I know it's easier said than done... but you have no choice but to forgive and allow your healing to begin.

Please don't get me wrong;

I don't mean you have to forget. What I’m saying is, you need to accept reality. Yes, it happened to you, it was not fair and you didn’t deserve it, but it happened. Accept that you don't have the power to go back in time to change things.

You’re allowed to cry for as long as you have to.

You’re allowed to have good and bad days for as long as you need to.

You’re encouraged to feel your feelings and feel them deep for as long as it takes.

Let no one set a deadline by which you need to have healed. Why? because only you know how deep your pain goes.

And so before I go, I want to say I'm sorry. I truly am sorry.

• I'm sorry for what they did to you.

• I'm sorry for how they made you feel.

• I'm sorry for how they manipulated you.

• I'm sorry for how your job treated you.

• I'm sorry for how they mocked you.

• I'm sorry for how they stole your innocence.

• I'm sorry for the loved ones who left and the ones you lost.

• I'm sorry for the baby you never got to hold and love.

• I'm sorry for how you felt alone.

• I'm sorry for all the pain you secretly carry.

• I'm so, very sorry.

Please don't delay your healing waiting for an apology, forgive, let go and start healing. The world needs you. We need you!

Be encouraged that even though it feels like God is ignoring you, He is not!

God is right there in the pain with you, holding you, guiding you, healing you.

All you have to do is let go and let God.

Love & light,
Christine